Sitting in the car in the rain having dropped my youngest for the first time at nursery, I stared at the windscreen wipers going backwards and forewords. A stillness in time that captured such vulnerability and loneliness. I was torn between trotting off to get on with my career I’d worked so hard for and leaving my small human I’d nurtured and grew over the previous year in the hands of a total stranger. Nothing had prepared me for this moment. It felt messy. And it got messier as the demands of work and family life grew. I was overwhelmed by feeling like I wasn’t showing up in either capacity. I found myself lost at work wanting to be at home and lost at home wanting to be at work. I’d felt I’d lost my identity.

I knew something was missing. I was different, my life had changed incomprehensibly but yet society expected me to show up as the same person.  I searched for tools to understand my new self, I wanted to be kind to myself, to normalise this and have the confidence to set boundaries. I knew I didn’t need therapy at this point -  I felt lost and I felt I needed something else. I realised that I was not alone and this area of maternal support had not had the spot light it deserves. I realised I wanted to shine a light on what I saw as the most vulnerable time.

I realised through my experience as a Mum, as a patient with postnatal depression, as a mental health and transition coach and as a GP I had the tools to help smooth this turbulent time.

Motherhood isn’t a pause - it can mean transformation and growth. It can mean reflection on priorities, success and purpose. It can mean discovery of the new you and it can mean permission to prioritise you.